The day that it snowed

This morning I left my house at 545am for another day of work. The ambiance of this morning was different. A new winter chill seized the air. It felt as though the usual happenings of the summer decided to hibernate, and there I was, a stranger embarking into the frigid while the rest of the world stayed warm. It was peaceful. Winter causes a stirring in me, it has since I was little....this desire to be closer to the people I love, to the people I work with, to nature, to God. I am thankful every year for winter. The mountains loomed ominously this morning, with a new snowcap glowing in the dawn light. I feel the mountains are pulling me in....it is time to be on the mountain, to let the brisk air burn in my nose and the tears pour out of the corners of my eyes in the icy wind.

Winter seems to let my spirits be freed....

This last little while, I have felt like a wanderer. I feel as though I'm blinded and I'm merely putting one foot in front of the other into the dark with no idea what is on the other side. In some ways I feel like I've lost pieces of my heart, and I look back to the past and can't trace where I lost those pieces....maybe they'll never come back. In other ways, I feel as though my heart has never been stronger, I never knew I was so courageous to continue on into the dark.

But new discoveries seem to appear each day that weren't there the day before....maybe I'm more observant because my soul is grasping to anything that seems to be the continued path toward truth and light.

It happened today when I listened to 'Singing in the Rain' on my way to work. I love this song. Nurse Melissa and Dr. Z began singing it at work. Then, as I was walking to FHE another girl was singing the song on her way home. And then, to my complete surprise....another girl on HER way home also hummed the tune. Ironic.

Or the other day I was at the grocery store....I decided to smile my whole way through the grocery store. People were staring at me left and right. I've never felt so happy grocery shopping. And the littlest finds of good prices and great products became monumental discoveries. Smiling. Who would have thought?

So maybe my heart really is just finding bits and pieces of it, that it beforehand didn't know existed. There is no 'shoulds' or 'musts' in this road of life. Only love and beauty to be found, and that is the path to follow.

And then I found this poem the other day that plucked at a heartstring

Yes, my fretting

Frowning child,

I could cross

The room to you

More easily.

But I've already

Learned to walk,

So I make you

Come to me.

Let go now--

There!

You see?

Oh remember

This simple lesson,

Child,

And when

In later years

You cry out

With tight fists

and tears

"Oh help me,

God--please."--

Just listen

And you'll hear

A silent voice:

"I would, child,

I would

But it's you,

Not I,

Who needs to try

Godhood."

Carol Lynn Pearson

Thoughts...

My thoughts of today...

I decided not to go to nurse practitioner school just yet, I'm going to work for another year first.

I love my newfound youtube song...Piano Trio by Ravel. Amazing.

I love the Subaru's and will hopefully be a proud owner of one tomorrow!

Mi padre

I absolutely LOVE this man! He is mi padre, as I call him.

Tonight was such a wonderful tender mercy to get to spend an evening with the padre.

He helped me decide on a car I had been looking at, then we chatted for a little while over at Ken and Jen Johnson's house, and then just me and the padre went to dinner at our family's favorite panini shop off of 90th south and highland dr. in SLC

It got me to thinking how grateful I am that there is in fact a human being on this earth that I can FULLY relate to, feel COMPLETELY comfortable being 100% myself, and know that I am connected to this man FOREVER. That is an amazing blessing.

The padre has a wealth of knowledge and an IQ that not many match.

Today he was telling me that England/Spain made better land conquests than their European neighbors the French/Portuguese. Hence, why they have always been at war with each other.

I said, "Dad, how do you know all the stuff you know??"

Being a pilot for the last 20 years of his life he said, "Whit, I've spent alot of my life wandering around reading signs." Haha awesome.

The padre is a very observant man, he picks up little bits of knowledge through careful observations.

He is a Bear Grylls of sorts....survived the Washington wilderness for two weeks, backpacked Alaska, he builds fires, travels the vast expanse of US cities, operates tons of flying steel, has flown fighters in formation.

He contemplates the deep meanings in life, and as a result has a wealth of wisdom.

He is quiet and gentle....when the padre speaks, you LISTEN

When I tap into the padre's brain for a few minutes, I begin to see behind his words an immensity of experience and collection of memories.

What it means to be a daughter of this man is growing in sacredness.

I'm beginning to realize that my life, the way I react to things, many of the experiences I've had, closely parallel the padre's life.

I'm very grateful that he often times has amazing advice.

When I think about the padre I get a little emotional, my heart is connected to his, and sometimes we don't have to say much.

I understand my dad's goofy humor perfectly.....mostly because i possess the same sense of humor.

The padre is very close to the Lord.

Growing up, the padre would take us to get 'GOOBS' at the convenience store

Diet coke....definite integral part of his life

Music....another integral part....he is a jazz pianist, and hence his children are pianists as well

When he hears the right blend of musical harmony in a song, he can't help but play the 'air piano', bang his head, tap his feet

The padre has slight interest in African American culture, nicknaming his children Dushondas and Propeshias.

The padre has sharp written wit, a master of written words.

I love him.

Ramblings

Today these are the things I am grateful for:

I'm grateful for Shea who helped me look at a car tonight in South Jordan because I didn't have any male support up until he agreed to help

I'm grateful for my dad who chatted with me for almost two hours and imparted his life wisdom

I'm grateful for a patient today that challenged my nursing perspective because it helped me search a little deeper why I am in this field.

I'm grateful for the gospel, which is the source of all truth

I'm grateful for my amazing coworkers who keep such a great attitude

I'm grateful for work that helps me appreciate leisure

I'm grateful that mistakes can be made, which leaves room for improvement

I'm grateful for this blowdryer that I have turned on to give me warmth:)

Archnemesis

This stuff is leaving my life! It has successfully managed to weasel its way into every late night of nursing school, every night shift, day shift, eating out, social events.

I'm addicted.

I love the taste.

But it is time to go.

So far it has been almost three weeks without drinking it on my days off

And now I've gone 5 days without including days that I have worked.

Today I walked into get some water and had a stare down with the free coke fountain.

Then I laughed to myself

And stared it down again

NOT TODAY!

Snow!

Oh man tonight marks a very important event that occurs ONCE.....ONCE a year!

The First snow storm!!!!!

I felt it this morning on my way to work....

There is a new crispness in the air, a serene calm that hasn't emerged lately

Storm clouds hug the mountain

And then as I walked out of work tonight, the air shifted again

This time it's the smell of burnt wood, the wind is excited by its new surprise

And then.....at 9pm.....SNOW

Big, fatty flakes!

It was amazing!

I will never tire of that moment that happens every year

It's my favorite

Jenni and I went to Sundance to buy our ski passes....we wimped because I'm debating to go to Snowbird again, and Jen is debating the Canyons.

I think we'll end up at Sundance

Either way, we win, and SKI!

Oh the ambiance and nostalgia that the dabbles of the coming winter bring to my mind!

A Lesson in Sacrifice

Okay this is me right this very moment....I'm playing the waiting game and so I thought I'd blog about this little experience I get to have once a month or so. If I work a night shift from 6pm to 6am on a saturday/sunday, I've discovered I have to stay awake until 930 for church. If I even think about going to sleep before church, there is no hope of getting up. It's game over. But the waiting game from 6am to 930 is just grueling. No other words to describe it. My eyes burn, my body aches, and I know I need to go to church and come back to get as much sleep as I can before another night shift. Thank goodness life usually comes at you slow, because I see the moms who do this schedule and I stand in amazement that they can do this with kids. I had a chat last night with Dr. Madsen and he told me he goes home from his night shift to get his 7 children ready for church. Talk about a lesson in sacrifice. I can't remember whose talk it was in general conference about faith. Faith is not motivated by circumstance otherwise the natural man would continually give in. Some of the people I work with amaze me that they are pressing full speed ahead despite a difficult work schedule. I'm glad for right now I just have to think about keeping my eyes from shutting...maybe one day I'll add little people to this equation, and I'll have fought this battle against tiredness for so long, I won't even blink....and that'll be a good thing because blinking for me usually equals sleep:).

Thoughts on NP school: I had my mind made up to go....and now I'm wavering again....do I really want it? More education means even more added responsibility. I'm feeling pretty happy with the level of responsibility I have right now, and sometimes I wonder if I'm ready for that much more. Can I really do two more years of school? I think I just sign up for the GRE and take it....if I hit too many roadblocks on the way then I know maybe I'm not supposed to apply

Latest growing up/adult moment: I got approved for a $5,000 car loan. Hello junk car!!! I'm thinking maybe a toyota camry, honda, or a subaru??

Upcoming growing up/adult moment: I am signing up for health insurance. Yikes!

The clock is ebbing ever closer to 930. It is approximately 830. I'm dying. How do my eyelids know so well what they want to do?! Funny how war can be waged on such a micro level!

Life moment: My water got shut off by Provo city....do you know how important water is?? I couldn't wash my hands after the bathroom (gross). I couldn't take a shower. Couldn't do my dishes. Couldn't brush my teeth....you need water more than just to drink it

I'm grateful for water!