The day that it snowed

This morning I left my house at 545am for another day of work. The ambiance of this morning was different. A new winter chill seized the air. It felt as though the usual happenings of the summer decided to hibernate, and there I was, a stranger embarking into the frigid while the rest of the world stayed warm. It was peaceful. Winter causes a stirring in me, it has since I was little....this desire to be closer to the people I love, to the people I work with, to nature, to God. I am thankful every year for winter. The mountains loomed ominously this morning, with a new snowcap glowing in the dawn light. I feel the mountains are pulling me in....it is time to be on the mountain, to let the brisk air burn in my nose and the tears pour out of the corners of my eyes in the icy wind.

Winter seems to let my spirits be freed....

This last little while, I have felt like a wanderer. I feel as though I'm blinded and I'm merely putting one foot in front of the other into the dark with no idea what is on the other side. In some ways I feel like I've lost pieces of my heart, and I look back to the past and can't trace where I lost those pieces....maybe they'll never come back. In other ways, I feel as though my heart has never been stronger, I never knew I was so courageous to continue on into the dark.

But new discoveries seem to appear each day that weren't there the day before....maybe I'm more observant because my soul is grasping to anything that seems to be the continued path toward truth and light.

It happened today when I listened to 'Singing in the Rain' on my way to work. I love this song. Nurse Melissa and Dr. Z began singing it at work. Then, as I was walking to FHE another girl was singing the song on her way home. And then, to my complete surprise....another girl on HER way home also hummed the tune. Ironic.

Or the other day I was at the grocery store....I decided to smile my whole way through the grocery store. People were staring at me left and right. I've never felt so happy grocery shopping. And the littlest finds of good prices and great products became monumental discoveries. Smiling. Who would have thought?

So maybe my heart really is just finding bits and pieces of it, that it beforehand didn't know existed. There is no 'shoulds' or 'musts' in this road of life. Only love and beauty to be found, and that is the path to follow.

And then I found this poem the other day that plucked at a heartstring

Yes, my fretting

Frowning child,

I could cross

The room to you

More easily.

But I've already

Learned to walk,

So I make you

Come to me.

Let go now--

There!

You see?

Oh remember

This simple lesson,

Child,

And when

In later years

You cry out

With tight fists

and tears

"Oh help me,

God--please."--

Just listen

And you'll hear

A silent voice:

"I would, child,

I would

But it's you,

Not I,

Who needs to try

Godhood."

Carol Lynn Pearson