Confessions of a First Time Mama

I've heard over and over that nothing can prepare you for being a parent. I don't know what the other side looks like yet, but I already feel that to be true. 

I've pictured in my mind during the day and even in my dreams at night what it will be like to meet Baby Ostebo for the first time. I try to imagine what I'll feel, the pain from delivery, the relief of having a baby, the sudden realization that he is mine to keep. 

My biggest hopes are to feel an instant love for him, and desire to nurture and protect and give of myself unthinkingly to him. I hope I can help him to experience and learn and grow as much as possible while he is in our home. I hope that he knows he is loved by his family, and I hope I can help instill in him a love for the Savior. 

This last little while, I've felt the time of being pregnant swiftly coming to an end. How did it come so fast? It seemed such a far off event, and now here I am on the brink of meeting my baby and becoming a mom. As comes with any change and uncertainty, I'm simultaneously mourning the way of life and freedom I'm leaving behind, and also feeling ready to embrace the new challenges and joys that are to come. 

And I'm trying hard to push the fears and anxieties that sometimes creep up in the corners of my mind, and replace them with faith and hope. 

I feel overwhelmed at the prospect of some of the burdens that'll be placed on my body. I'm scared of failing at balancing new responsibilities. The thought of not sleeping a full 8 hours....anybody knows I'm a bear when I don't sleep! I'm afraid sometimes of my own imperfections and making mistakes. 

I hope most of all that my baby will be patient with me as we both learn how to do this together. 

I feel that I can take a lot of comfort in knowing that I am doing what Heavenly Father has designed for me to do. He will not leave me to be alone. He will be with me through it. After all, it is His precious child that He is entrusting me with.